Breaking Point - a MacGyver FanFiction

User avatar
bluegirl
Posts: 233
Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:16 am
Location: Deutsch-Wagram, Austria

Re: Breaking Point

Post by bluegirl » Thu Feb 20, 2020 8:48 am

It is thursday morning... everyone ready for the next part? I´ve got to tell all of you, who are reading this, that I´m completely overwhelmed by what happened in the last 36 hours... tuesday evening this topic had about 350 views, by now it is well past 1100 - are there really so many people interested it my story??? I feel honored, I really appreciate it!!! :shock: :shock: :o :o

So, Mac might be in for getting help - but given his condidtion, physically, mentally, emotionally... will he be able to accept it...?

Part 5

MacGyver wasn´t able to stop the ringing in his head, when he came to consciousness again. The next thing he felt was the cold that made him shiver. His still wet clothes didn´t help it. As he rolled over to his side and slowly got up to his hands and knees every injury made itself known. Mac stiffened for a few moments as he had to wait for a wave of pain and spasms to pass. Just then he realized he could hear muffled voices.

With the blink of an eye all his senses were on alert.

The voices sounded somehow familiar, but he couldn´t make out the words through the ringing in his head. One of those voices made his adrenaline flow instantly. Mac was still hidden behind the bushes and the thicket and couldn´t see through them, so he decided to get up. What he saw when he was up on his feet and peeked around the leaves paralyzed him in the same second.

His eyes widened with a mixture of shock, confusion and panic. The lifeless body of Pete was still lying there, but right next to it kneeled two men. One of them was with his back to MacGyver, but the other one was suddenly looking directly at him. It was another Pete Thornton! Mac´s mouth opened with a whispered question.

“What…? How…?”

In that moment Pete called out his name in relief. “MacGyver! Thank God!”

The other guy turned around, but Mac never looked at him. The call of his name had loosened his paralysis and in the same split second he turned on his heels and ran off.

Pete was up on his feet only a moment later and wanted to hurry after him.

“Mac! Wait!”

Willis grabbed his arm fast as Pete wanted to run by him stopping Pete in his tracks. Pete tried to angrily brush his hand off.

“Willis, we´ve got to…” He was cut off by Willis answer.

“No, don´t follow him.” He shook his head, rising up fully. “Have you seen how he looked at you?”

Pete turned to face him. “What do you mean?”

Willis sighed, looking into the direction where Mac had just disappeared.

“He was shocked, he was frightened. He is injured.” he stated. “Pete, we don´t know what they´ve done to him. We don´t know what role “this” Pete Thornton had to play.” He pointed at the dead man. “I know, I´m more of the lab guy, I´m not into field operations. But I think I´d better follow MacGyver and try to catch up with him. You should stay out of his sight for now.”

Pete wanted to protest at first, but he gave in fast. Willis was right. He had also seen it.

“All right. Now go! Hurry!” he sent him off.

Willis took off quickly and disappeared into the thicket pursuing Mac´s path.

Standing there alone, Pete looked down at the false Pete Thornton. Not being able to act, to help his best friend tore him inside. He raised his gaze to the forest again. He had noticed that Mac was wounded and his condition was weak, his skin pale. His concern for MacGyver grew even bigger than it had been for the last three weeks while they had been searching for him.

“Oh, MacGyver…” he sighed to himself. “What did they make you go through?”

*****

As MacGyver ran off his mind hit overdrive. Running away was pure survival instinct. He had barely survived their first fight; he wasn´t going to take his chances on a second time. At the moment he didn´t care who the other man had been. He just wanted to get away. His fear of being caught and brought back to the camp took over. He was frightened by the thought of returning to this suffering and what else they might do to him to increase it.

Mac rushed through the forest as fast as he could, but he didn´t know the terrain and the effects of the drug slowed him down. They were almost full blown by now. He knew he wouldn´t be able to outrun whoever was following him. Frantically he kept looking for any opportunity to hide, but it wasn´t all too easy with his blurred vision and the hallucinations, he was experiencing. Running seemed to aggravate the symptoms.

MacGyver had just passed a bend in the rock face when he was forced to stop. He doubled over and fell to his knees, groaning as the pain cut through him. His whole body stiffened with spasms. His panic inside screamed at him to get up and run, but he wasn´t able to move only an inch. Helpless he dropped to his side, fighting to stay quiet through the pain, fighting not to give away his location.

*****

Willis didn´t have too much difficulties following MacGyver. He could hear him, he could see the traces he left which was unusual for him. He soon noticed he was easily catching up. When all of a sudden everything went quiet in front of him, Willis instinctively slowed down. If Mac was hiding, he might be in for some creative surprise. MacGyver had saved Willis´ life once and he´d heard a lot of stories about Mac´s ingenuity. Willis didn´t want to be the target of one of his imaginative ideas.

Cautiously he worked his way closer to the rock face and around a corner of it. What he saw made him stop dead in his tracks. MacGyver was lying on the ground, curled up on his side, his arms wrapped around his body. He didn´t move and his face was covered with sweat and marked with severe pain. His breathing was ragged.

Willis first felt the urge to rush to him, but on second thought he approached Mac slowly, step by step.

“MacGyver?” he asked with a soft voice. “Mac?” he tried again, as he got no reaction.

Hi concern for his friend grew with every step; he cautiously crouched down beside him. He gently touched Mac´s upper arm close to his shoulder.

“MacGyver?...What´s wrong with you?”

MacGyver was consumed in coping with the excruciating pain and the ringing in his head. He didn´t notice Willis closing in or calling his name. He was startled by Willis´ touch, instinctively raised his hands in defense and reflexively tried to knock whoever was close to him away.

Willis was shocked for a moment by his fierce reaction and then managed to grab on to Mac´s wrists in order to keep Mac from hitting him. This only earned him a painful cry from MacGyver so he let go instantly. Only then he realized that Mac´s wrists were sore and bloodied. But MacGyver immediately continued to fight him, tried to get up and away without even looking at who was near him. His panic took over.

Willis drew back for a second, but then realized he had to stop him fast. For MacGyver´s own best.

He grabbed on again, this time lower at Mac´s forearms and tried to steady him. Willis was surprised he was able to push him back to the ground and hold him there, one arm to his left, one to his right side. Under normal circumstances there would have been no way that he´d been a match for the well trained man. Mac was forced to spread out on his back, struggling to free himself, but the pressure on his wounded back made him moan.

“MacGyver, stop it!” Willis called out to him. “Calm down! Look at me! It´s me. It´s Willis!”

MacGyver stopped moving as the words registered in his mind. His thoughts went wild again. What…? How…? He slowly turned his head towards the voice he´d heard and blinked his eyes open, still breathing heavily, his body still tense. He tried to blink the haze away, but the drug wouldn´t allow him to see clearly. That guy sounded like Willis, he looked like Willis. Pete´s voice echoed in his head: Willis knows nothing about this. He has been cleared of all charges. No one at Phoenix knows about this. But why was he here?

A part of Mac was still on high alert, yet another part of him desperately wanted to believe that this was his chance for rescue. He looked at Willis directly.

“Willis…?” he asked. “Why are you…?”

“That´s not important now, MacGyver.” Willis cut him off. He felt Mac relax a little. “Will you hit me again, if I let go?”

MacGyver shook his head with a weak smile. “No…” He let out a deep breath he´d been holding.

Willis slowly released his grip, looking all over Mac, trying to assess his condition. He saw Mac closing his eyes in relief and exhaustion. He laid a hand on his forehead, checking his temperature, then on his neck feeling for his pulse. Mac tried to relax his muscles and calm down his racing heart and ragged breathing.

Willis had noticed the fresh bleeding cut on the side of Mac´s head, the bruises on his neck, the bandage around his thigh, his sore wrists. He´d felt the shivers running through him; his temperature was too high, his pulse fast but steady and strong. At first sight, he couldn´t tell, why his overall condition was that weak. Willis sat up and took off his jacket.

“Mac, you´re feverish. Your clothes are wet. You´re freezing.” he said. “We´d better wrap you into my jacket, hm?”

Mac opened his eyes and nodded. When he prepared to sit up, Willis was leaning over him again.

“Wait. Slow down. I´ll help you.” he offered.

One of his hands held on to Mac´s upper arm, the other one went around the back of his neck steadying his head. MacGyver turned a little into Willis direction, but in the middle of rising up another wave of convulsions and agony rushed through him violently. He doubled up, gasped in pain; his whole body was out of control within the second. He would have fallen, if Willis had not been holding him.

“Mac!” Willis was shocked. He pulled MacGyver closer, attempting to steady his friend with his hold. “MacGyver, what is it? What´s wrong?”

Mac couldn´t react to his question.

One of Willis´ arms held Mac´s head and his shoulders, with the other one he let go of Mac´s arm and went around his back. But Willis flinched back instantly being scared of what he had felt. He had concentrated on Mac´s face, yet now, with MacGyver lying on his side in Willis´ arm, he got a first look at his back. Willis heart seemed to stop for a split second as he first stared at his own bloodied hand, then at MacGyver´s back, completely speechless. He saw the torn and cut fabric of his shirt, stained with a mixture of dirt and blood. What was visible of Mac´s skin was torn and bruised, also partly covered with blood and dirt, partly with angry red color.

Willis got out of his shock as Mac´s body stiffened once again and he managed to bite back a painful cry. Willis tried to provide as much support and comfort to Mac as he could. His free hand reached out for the jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders and upper body.

After a few moments MacGyver weakly turned his head to look at Willis. His gaze was unsteady and clouded.

“It´s okay, Willis…” he tried to calm him with a breaking voice, merely more than a whisper. “It won´t kill me…”

Having said that he drew in a sharp breath, his body tensed once more, then went slack and he passed out.

“What?” Willis was stunned for a moment. Then he shook MacGyver softly. “MacGyver? Mac?” he asked, but got no answer.

Willis took another look at Mac´s pale face and checked for his pulse. He pulled Mac even closer into his arms, at least trying to keep him warm.

“What have those maniacs done to you, MacGyver?” he asked himself angrily, shaking his head with deep concern for his friend. He needed to get Mac into medical care as soon as possible. Willis remembered the portable radio sets he and Pete had taken with them and reached for it in the pocket of his jacket. One handed he pulled it out and turned it on.

“Pete, do you read me?” he asked into it. “I found him!”

It took a few seconds until Pete was responding.

“Thank God! How is he? What´s the matter with him?”

“At the moment he´s unconscious.” Willis looked down at MacGyver before he continued. “And he´s in bad shape. We do need a doctor here. Fast.”

Pete remained silent, but another voice answered. “We´re on our way. Where do we find you?”

Pete and Willis had brought another Phoenix operative, who had flown the helicopter, and one of Phoenix´ doctors with them on this search and rescue mission, just in case. They had stayed with the helicopter, when Pete and Willis had jumped out to check on the body they´d seen.

“A few hundred yards down the slope, close to the rock face, just behind a bend.” Willis answered. “But you´d better come alone at first, doc.”

“Understood.”

Willis was about to put the walkie-talkie down, as he heard Pete´s voice again.

“How bad, Willis?” he asked. “Do I really have to stay away?”

“I´m not sure, Pete.” Willis sighed. “And I know you´re not going to like it, but I think you have to stay out of sight… and out of hearing.” With that he put the radio set down and concentrated on MacGyver again.

*****

Fortunately Dr. Thompson found them quite fast. It took only a few minutes until Willis heard someone through the thicket.

“Over here!” he called out to the doctor.

Only moments later the doctor set down his emergency case close to them.

“You need to lay him down, Willis.” He asked, while he opened the case.

Willis nodded. “You might want to take a look at his back first.” he added.

Dr. Thompson looked up in surprise. “I do?...All right…”

With the help of Willis he cautiously took the coat off MacGyver. As he saw the wounds and bruises through the torn fabric, he stopped moving for a moment. His face darkened as he took in the sight. Then he spread the jacket out on the ground and carefully felt across MacGyver´s whole back. The doctor moved to feel for Mac´s pulse on his neck and then looked at Willis again.

“Now let´s lay him down.” he asked softly.

Together they slowly lowered Mac until he was lying flat on his back on Willis´ jacket. Dr. Thompson continued to examine MacGyver´s condition, noticing the needle marks on his arms. As he opened his shirt on the front, they saw more bruises and the electric burns. The doctor checked his heart and lungs with a stethoscope and then closed the shirt again.

“Was he unconscious when you found him?” he asked Willis.

“No.” Willis shook his head. “He was going through severe pain and spasms. MacGyver was confused, frightened and shocked until he recognized me. He relaxed, but when the convulsions returned, he passed out. Just before that he told me not to be afraid. It won´t kill him.”

“It won´t kill him?” Dr. Thompson repeated, looking up puzzled.

Willis just raised his hands and shrugged. “That´s all he said.”

In the next moment MacGyver stirred moaning lightly. Willis was quick to take his hand and stabilize Mac´s head with his other one.

“Quiet, MacGyver. Take it easy.”

Mac turned his head a little towards his voice and opened his eyes.

“I did get help for you. This is Dr. Thompson.” Willis told him, looking at the doctor.

MacGyver followed his gaze; his body tensed when he saw the doctor beside him. He tried to get up, but Willis held him down at his shoulder.

“Don´t. It´s okay.”

MacGyver relaxed a little, yet some fear remained in his eyes. The doctor laid a hand softly on his forehead, while he looked scrutinizing at him.

“Willis told me about some serious pain and spasms.” he stated. “Do you think you have internal injuries?”

“No.” Mac shook his head weakly.

“Your vision is blurred? Are you feeling dizzy?”

Mac nodded.

Dr. Thompson took another look at Mac´s arms. “You´ve been given some drug or poison, right?”

Mac nodded again. “It causes the…” he tried to add with a hoarse voice, but was cut off by a wave of pain washing over him. He rolled to his side, curled up, closed his eyes and tried to endure quietly. Willis was there fast, supporting Mac´s head and his shoulders. Dr. Thompson also stabilized Mac at first, but he soon turned around to his case as he realized how intense MacGyver´s suffering was.

“We need to ease those symptoms.” he stated, picking up a syringe, a needle and a small glass bottle.

As the pain allowed him a short break, MacGyver opened his eyes and saw the doctor preparing the syringe. The mere sight of it triggered his panic instantly.

“No!” he cried out and bolted up and backwards before Willis could react. He didn´t get very far, stumbled against the rock face only a few yards away and collapsed. MacGyver lay there trembling, curled up with pain and convulsions again. Willis wanted to follow him, but the doctor held him back.

“No, wait. Give him a few moments.” He filled up another syringe, and then looked seriously at Willis. “I hate to do this, but do you think you can retain him?”

Willis nodded hesitantly. “I had to earlier.” he answered observing Mac closely.

The doctor picked up both syringes and sighed. “Very well…” Thompson said. “You need to hold him tight, while I administer those injections. I´m sorry about it, but it is necessary.”

Willis also sighed deeply and then approached MacGyver cautiously. “MacGyver?” He touched his shoulder gently.

Mac turned abruptly, raised his hands in defense and tried to hit Willis hand away. This time Willis reacted faster, held on to Mac´s forearms and pushed him down against rock and ground.

“Shh, Mac. Quiet.” he tried to calm him. “It´s me, Willis.”

MacGyver kept fighting his hold. Willis heard Dr. Thompson closing in. Mac saw him, fear filling his eyes.

“No!” he pleaded. “Don´t! Please, don´t!”

It hurt Willis deep inside to see his friend like this.

“Mac, it´s okay. We´re not going to harm you.” he told him. “We´re here to help you.”

He felt MacGyver trembling in his grip. Dr. Thompson quickly found a vein and emptied both syringes into Mac´s body one after another.

MacGyver´s resistance ceased. He felt the darkness taking over his senses. He desperately fought to stay awake, looking from Willis to the doctor and back pleading and scared.

“Don´t fight it, MacGyver.” Dr. Thompson recommended softly. “It will make it easier for you. It will take away the pain.”

Gradually MacGyver´s body went limp; Willis had to catch him as he lost consciousness. He held him close in his arms with a questioning look towards the doctor.

“He will be asleep for a few hours.” Dr. Thompson explained. “It will take away the convulsions and the pain. And allow me to take care of him. I wouldn´t be able to help him in his panicked state.” He retrieved Willis´ jacket and wrapped it around MacGyver while Willis held him. “Keep him warm.”

Then he got up and picked up the portable radio set.

“ Jonas, are you there?” he asked. “We need the stretcher up here.”

“On my way.” The answer took a few seconds.

“Mr. Thornton?” Thompson asked after that. “You can meet us at the helicopter. MacGyver is sedated. But you have to keep your distance and remain quiet. I´ll brief you then.”

“Copy.” Pete´s voice answered. “I´ll see you there.” His worry could be clearly heard.

Jonas arrived in a few minutes. Together they laid MacGyver on the stretcher, covered him with a blanket and secured him with the straps. Willis carried the doctor´s case while they took the unconscious man to the helicopter and loaded him inside.

Pete was already there; his face marked with concern that grew even deeper as he saw them approaching. He could see only Mac´s head and neck due to the blanket he was wrapped in. But MacGyver´s face was pale, covered with sweat and lined with stress and exhaustion. He also seemed to have lost weight. Pete couldn´t help but close in on his friend until Dr. Thompson stopped him.

“No… I had to keep the dosage of the sedation low. He has been given some drug or poison. I don´t know what it is yet. I´m not sure, how it interacts with the medication. He might notice you, and we can´t risk that right now. For his own best, sir. Please.” he explained as he got into the helicopter alongside MacGyver. “You need to get into the front seat. Willis and I are staying with him.” The tone of his voice left no room for arguments.

Pete took a step back. “Is he…” he almost didn´t dare to ask.

Dr. Thompson was checking Mac´s pulse, then he turned to face Pete again.

“He´s hurt badly, his condition is serious, yet at the moment his life is not in immediate danger. But we´d better get him to the infirmary fast.”

Pete just nodded, closed the helicopter´s doors behind Willis and climbed into the front seat next to Jonas, who was already starting the engine.

“You heard the doctor.” Pete ordered. “Go as fast as you can.”

“Is everything set up at the lab complex?” the doctor asked from behind.

Pete turned to look over his shoulder. “They should be ready by now.” he replied. “I´ll notify them that we´re on our way as soon as we´re high enough. We have to get out of these valleys. The mountains would block the signal of the helicopters radio.”

“Good.”

Dr. Thompson focused on MacGyver again, took blood samples and set up an IV in Mac´s arm and an infusion with Willis help. He checked the blood pressure on his other arm, while constantly monitoring his pulse. MacGyver didn´t become aware of all this. The medication held him asleep for the whole flight.

*****

When they arrived at the Phoenix Foundation´s underground research complex, the rest of the medical team was already awaiting them. They had set up a sick-bay especially suited for taking care of MacGyver at sub-level 2. As soon as the helicopter touched ground everything happened fast. The team approached the chopper, got Mac out of it and took him towards the elevator. Willis stayed at Mac´s side together with Dr. Thompson. Pete hurried to follow them, but the doctor stopped him in front of the elevator.

“You are not coming with us.”

Pete was not willing to accept that. “I am not going to leave him.”

Dr Thompson sighed. “Mr. Thornton, as long as we don´t know what really happened to him, you´re not going to be close to him. After all you´ve told me before Willis found him and considering all I´ve seen, your presence might be a threat to his recovery.”

Pete wanted to oppose, but the doctor continued. “You can´t do anything for him down there. If you want to help him, go back to that camp and find out as much as you can. The more information we have about what they´ve done to him, the better.”

He paused for a moment, giving Pete the chance to react. But Pete´s eyes were fixed on MacGyver and the medical team hovering around him. Not being able to be there for his best friend, not being able to help him through this felt like someone stabbing his heart. He was torn inside. After a moment that felt like an eternity he nodded.

“Keep me informed. I want to know about everything concerning MacGyver.”

“We will take care of him.” Dr. Thompson reassured Pete. “He will get the best help available.”

Having said that, he stepped into the elevator and allowed the doors to close.

Pete was left alone in the hall that held the entrance and the elevator to the underground lab installation. He stood silent for a few seconds staring at the closed elevator doors. The doctor was right, he realized. He had to find out what Mac had had to be going through in the last three weeks. Probably he could retrieve a sample of the drug Mac had been given. With that thought he rushed back to the helicopter and ordered the pilot to take him back to that camp on the mountain.

*****
The stuff is already there. I just find a different way to use it.

User avatar
bftlovesRDA
Posts: 10906
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:03 pm
Location: Southeastern USA

Re: Breaking Point

Post by bftlovesRDA » Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:24 am

Woke up and came here and found this chapter. Very very good! WHEW! Mac is finally getting help. So glad!

Thanks for posting this and for writing it. Still want more!
B

User avatar
tvero80
Posts: 4496
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:29 pm

Re: Breaking Point

Post by tvero80 » Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 am

So well done , bluegirl ! The suspense is killing me ( well, not quite ;) :))
Image

Veronica LAKings

User avatar
bluegirl
Posts: 233
Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:16 am
Location: Deutsch-Wagram, Austria

Re: Breaking Point

Post by bluegirl » Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:57 am

tvero80 wrote:
Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 am
So well done , bluegirl ! The suspense is killing me ( well, not quite ;) :))
I´m not intending to kill anyone - why would I want to reduce the number of readers???? :lol: :lol:
The stuff is already there. I just find a different way to use it.

LEO
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:25 am

Re: Breaking Point

Post by LEO » Thu Feb 20, 2020 5:55 pm

Hi everyone,

I’m not new to the website. Ran across it for the first time in 2000.

However I rarely ever post on the forum. Three different forums came and went over the years. Time flies. I have been watching MacGyver since I was a little kid in the 80s.

Bluegirl, I stumbled across your story yesterday and read the first four parts in one go.

You did a fantastic job regarding, grammar, spelling, and writing style. The structure of your story is solid and Mac’s character is well written.

For me totally believable up to the certain point where Pete first appears.

There is no way on earth, in heaven, any other afterlife, in any universe or alternate or alternative universe or timeline that Mac would believe for half a microsecond that this is Pete.

The moment when he says ‘It’s nice seeing you’ and not simultaneously helping to get him out of the chains and saying something like ‘I’m so glad to see you alive’ is a dead give away it’s not him for everyone and it would be for Mac as well.

This was the moment where I didn’t buy the story anymore.

It's hard to imagine that the audience would believe for a microsecond this was Pete or believed that Mac believed it was him.

Now I can see that that there is the option that the audience would know that it's not Pete while Mac would believe it's him, if Mac would be so drugged that he couldn’t think straight. This is only scenario where I could see this would work in my humble opinion.


1. You wrote it in way though that he always has a periods of clear thinking and even when he is hallucinating he is aware of it. He goes over their strategies and even tells himself that they want to emotionally weaken him. Since his thinking is still so clear it's hard to believe he would fall for a fake Pete. He knows that would use tricks on him.

Which is great. You can use this to your advantage in your storytelling.

2. He knows their methods and that they are trying to get to him emotionally and mentally. He would be trained not only theoretically but also practically what to do in a situation of being kidnapped and tortured. This kind of training is mandatory when you’re working for an organization like Phoenix. Also he was in Vietnam so he had training there as well.

3 He has had a lot of experience with people impersonating others. Murdoc, Deborah, Zito and lets not forget that this happens shortly after Ellen his high school sweetheart frames him for murder by ordering her underling to play him with a mask looked just like Mac himself, in JERICHO GAMES. In DEEP COVER Mac and others used a masks that were very realistic. So he is familiar with that disguise technic.

4. No matter what Mac would do and even if he would give away information for a good reason or because he was tortured, Pete would never torture him or anyone for doing that. Not only because he is a good guy but because he follows the law. Geneva convention anyone?

Remember ‘LOST LOVE’. Mac stole the ming dragon, For crying out loud, (which is way more serious than giving away some codes that can be changed any day) and Pete stood up for him. Like it should be.

If this was really Pete and he wouldn’t kill Mac, Mac could report him afterwards and Pete would know that and knows that Mac knows that. It doesn’t make sense on this important level to believe this is Pete either.

5. You say this takes place sometime after WASTELAND which is S6E13. In S6E15 HIGH CONTROL Mac sees Pete for the first time taking eyedrops and asks him about it but he probably seen that some things are a little off with Pete for a while because Mac is observant like that.

Pete has troubles reading something of a page with a magnifying glass although he holds it really close to the paper. The development of glaucoma isn't overnight. If he already has that much trouble reading things at this point his eyesight must if been getting worse for a while. There is no way he could be physically the guy who tortures someone else like you described in his overall health condition. Pete is also moving slower, getting older in the later seasons.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

So taking into account all that if you stay true to the characters, Mac would know it’s not him and you can work with that wonderfully.

He could act like he believes it is Pete to make them think he is getting weaker emotionally, meanwhile the anger of what they are trying to do to him just fuels his energy and helps him to get through it and knowing that the real Pete will come or until they make a mistake because they are getting overconfident and he can escape.

They could show him a fake Pete tied up in another room and one other person he is close to and get to him mentally by telling him they will torture Pete like him and kill him if he doesn’t give them want they want and the other person is next.

There are endless possibilities. PM me if you wanna brain storm.

*****Spoiler Alert****

If you go into the direction of Mac learning later that it wasn’t Pete but still having to find a way to trust Pete again and keeping his distance then I have to say no I wouldn’t believe that either.

It might be a good idea to put a warning in the beginning that it is a physical violent story. Rated R doesn’t necessarily include this kind of violence so your readers know what they are getting into.

I normally wouldn’t read this kind of story for fun (I don’t like Mac getting hurt) but I do have experience in story editing, so I have read more violent stories, not Mac or Stargate related.

Your story was interesting to read for me on that level, and it has a lot of potential. :) Keep writing.
Last edited by LEO on Fri Feb 21, 2020 2:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
uniquelyjas
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:55 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Breaking Point

Post by uniquelyjas » Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 pm

.

There is no way on earth, in heaven, any other afterlife, in any universe or alternate or alternative universe or timeline that Mac would believe for half a microsecond that this is Pete.

2. He knows their methods and that they are trying to get to him emotionally and mentally. He would be trained not only theoretically but also practically what to do in a situation of being kidnapped and tortured. This kind of training is mandatory when you’re working for an organization like Phoenix. Also he was in Vietnam so he had training there as well.

3 He has had a lot of experience with people impersonating others. Murdoc, Deborah, Zito and lets not forget that this happens shortly after Ellen his high school sweetheart frames him for murder by ordering her underling to play him in JERICHO GAMES.


I'm afraid I must disagree with you on some points, LEO. I DO think Mac would believe he is seeing Pete. Let's go back to the beginning...Mac was on a biking tour and everything seemed "perfectly normal" so it's not like he was on a mission and had cause to be wary. Also, we don't know how long he's been held in the cell before the story begins so his mental state may already have been compromised. Yes, people have impersonated others...and Mac's fallen for it...at least initially. How could he not at least have a niggle of familiarity when Murdoc appears in Cleo Rocks? They are shown standing close to each other yet Mac recognizes *nothing*? Not even Murdoc's altered voice? Deborah, Zito, and Ellen NEVER tried to physically disguise themselves and the only one of the three Mac had previously known was Ellen and he was drawn in by/believed her at first as well. In fact, I've always harbored the notion that Mac is a bit too naïve and trusting when it comes to people, especially his friends...well, maybe except for Jack LOL! So that line of reasoning doesn't hold water for me.

As for MacGyver being trained, we have no proof. His Vietnam backstory is murky at best. We know he defused bombs. As for any training he may have had for his work at the DXS and Phoenix...again, NO PROOF. If you recall, in the first few seasons, in voiceovers, he would often say something like: "Pete Thornton and I.." or "The DXS and I had an agreement..." No indication that he was even an actual employee. He was just a freelancer, able to accept or reject missions brought to him at his will (of course he never rejected any.) In the first season it's noted that he's the man the government calls when no one else can get the job done, but we really don't know why except for the skills he displays during his missions. If you are still convinced this story wouldn't work because of his training, how about a bit of speculation about the story itself? We still don't know who kidnapped him. Perhaps they are familiar with the training you assume he received and therefore knows how to "break" him, thus the significance of the story title.

Finally, "Pete" doesn't appear until the end of Part 4. By then Mac has been drugged and tortured for days/weeks. How do you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would be lucid enough to be POSITIVE this wasn't Pete?? In the story he doesn't want to believe it is, but given everything that's happened, he has no reason NOT to believe it's not Pete. Remember, he's starting to question EVERYTHING at this point. Certainly what the bad guys were relying on.

In closing, please remember this is a piece of fiction based on fiction. If you really know the series as well as you say you do, you know that there were a number of inconsistencies. Timelines have been researched and posted online that prove this. Some fans have spent YEARS trying to piece everything together in a nice, orderly fashion, but they can't because the show did not develop that way. In addition, this is ONE PERSON'S exploration into Mac's psyche. While I understand you meant your critique to be helpful, please also be respectful of her ideas and plans for the story. And I just have to ask...is this any less believable than if MacGyver would walk into Pete's office and announce he was FINALLY getting married??? I can shoot a lot more holes in THAT than I can this story.

User avatar
tvero80
Posts: 4496
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:29 pm

Re: Breaking Point

Post by tvero80 » Thu Feb 20, 2020 10:05 pm

:? Oh dear . We aren't going to fight over this, are we ?
As uniquelyjas said ( and she knows what she's talking about since she's a writer too) this is just "fiction" (very well-) written by a fan !
Image

Veronica LAKings

User avatar
uniquelyjas
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:55 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Breaking Point

Post by uniquelyjas » Thu Feb 20, 2020 10:20 pm

tvero80 wrote:
Thu Feb 20, 2020 10:05 pm
:? Oh dear . We aren't going to fight over this, are we ?
As uniquelyjas said ( and she knows what she's talking about since she's a writer too) this is just "fiction" (very well-) written by a fan !
No worries. I have no intention of starting an argument. I actually rarely post anything but felt compelled to respond this time.

User avatar
Jack(s)
Posts: 4767
Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:59 pm
Location: UK

Re: Breaking Point

Post by Jack(s) » Fri Feb 21, 2020 12:42 am

ok, here we go again. A good story writen by a fan. and someone comes along and has to open his mouth. why people just can't enjoy a bit of fiction? does it really matter if it ads up or not? I call this artistic freedom.

so Bluegirl. you do a very good job. keep on posting and they are enough who like you story without having the urge to criticise every little bit *sarcasm turned off*
"Dogs are my favorite people !!!"
"I've got to have fun or it's not worth it."
RDA

LEO
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:25 am

Re: Breaking Point

Post by LEO » Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:36 am

uniquelyjas wrote:
Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 pm

Deborah, Zito, and Ellen NEVER tried to physically disguise themselves...
Ellen's paid assistant/underling was in disguise. A very well disguise I might add.

I edited my feedback so it's clearer what I meant. Sorry if that didn't come a across before.

uniquelyjas wrote:
Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 pm

Finally, "Pete" doesn't appear until the end of Part 4.

Fake Pete appears three quarters into Part 2.

Just saying. According to what you said, less time went by as if he would have just shown up in part 4, so less time for Mac being drugged. Just pointing out the facts you mentioned.


uniquelyjas wrote:
Thu Feb 20, 2020 9:43 pm

In closing, please remember this is a piece of fiction based on fiction. If you really know the series as well as you say you do, you know that there were a number of inconsistencies. Timelines have been researched and posted online that prove this. Some fans have spent YEARS trying to piece everything together in a nice, orderly fashion, but they can't because the show did not develop that way. In addition, this is ONE PERSON'S exploration into Mac's psyche. While I understand you meant your critique to be helpful, please also be respectful of her ideas and plans for the story. And I just have to ask...is this any less believable than if MacGyver would walk into Pete's office and announce he was FINALLY getting married??? I can shoot a lot more holes in THAT than I can this story.

Exactly, I agree this is a fictional story (in contrary to a true story) so nothing is written in stone and can be changed if the writer wishes to do so.

MACGYVER scripts where rewritten tons of times. I have first drafts and later drafts as well as other scripts from movies. I rewrote my first script 20 times and more and always will rewrite when ever I write. I had feedback from teachers, classmates, friends and industry professionals.

I do respect anyone who is writing. Professional or fan fiction. It's hard.

Almost every writer wishes to make whatever she or he works on the be best it can be. Bluegirl was looking for an audience and wanted to know what people think of her story. I gave her my feedback of the story and told her what works and didn't work for me and what I think wouldn't work for most the audience, which is normal in the professional as well in the fan fiction writers world. What she does with the story is up to her.

And I don't know if you sell it to me in the right way I would might very well believe you that Mac got married. :) In the end he found out he had a son, so everything is possible.

Post Reply